I suppose the best way to get myself motivated to write about this topic is to just do it. It’s been a very interesting journey such far.
I woke from a dream I don’t recall, I just felt God was nudging me to wake up. So I DID! I could NOT feel my right arm. It was dead. I tried to speak, but couldn’t. Scared this was it for me, I was thankful to God for me having my girlfriend with me. She was quick to get me to the hospital. I remember it was before midnight I think on a Friday. For sure by Saturday. Up to-this point my life had been perfect. I had God living in my heart every day. I had a great trucking career. My only kid is now 21 and a private in the U.S. Army. I had given up on ever finding my soul-mate. The woman I had fallen in love with was unattainable. I had learned from my stay at Soul’s Harbor that everything that’s wrong In my life is by my doing.
I had NOT BEEN USE to hard liquor. Beer was my thing. And a lot! However… I drank a couple of big bottles of Crown Royal with beer chasers. We were celebrating finding each other after 35 years. I had her drive me to our hotel because I was terribly drunk. I remember eating, and then to sleep.
When I woke up, experiencing a stroke, not knowing what was happening to me, I was PANICKED! I was fighting sleep as she was rushing me to ER. Once there we were ok. I felt an oddness overcome me. That I would be ok threw it all with God. Then it dawned on me that I was going to have to quit my job. Trucking had been all I knew since I stopped pursuing acting roles in 2000.
So let’s catch up on my sit rep. I not only am having to stop smoking cold turkey, and the drinking too!! This on top of lost of job, possible career. All of this after my stay at the Harbor. I found the trucking job of my dreams in Rockwall. My son finally talked me into leasing a new rig. Yet, there I was, Being set free with major setbacks to overcome BEFORE I can re-join the working class again.
My sister and brother our hometown were quick to show their love and support with plant and balloons. It was wonderful seeing them again. I stayed with my brother for almost 2 weeks before heading to see a long time friend. I had only planned to stay 2 to 3 days. It turned into a long-standing zip code status. Asked to stay and help get caught up with his custom swimming pools. He convinced me that it would be good therapy. It has been too!
The BAD NEWS is I’m still severely speech impaired. I have to play close attention to myself. I’ve learned no woman wants an old man with stroke handicaps’. Well, that’s how my heart feels, and that works for me.
The ALTER side of this scene is the negatives keep piling up.
My actor friend meaning well suggested I chase auditions and that he would also get back into movie work too. Then, my writer friend Joe Bailey contacted me about another crowd funding event. I give it my best shot. I recruited my actor friend. Told him to chill and I would take care of things. Just having his profile as a team is what they want to see. AND THEN I STARTED getting BIGGER N BOLDER ideas. That’s about the time Mr. Negative rears its head in the form of quotes such as, “Let me ,know how that works out for you!” stated with every tone of sarcasm that could be delivered with glee…. I so despise that choice of words. It’s like, if it doesn’t involve them, they don’t care. It has taken a few months to realize what’s been happening to me and my life. I know longer place blame on others. If something happens to you, it’s because you let it. I’m not talking things against your will. I’m talking of things your WILL ALLOWS..
I have practiced living with a pure heart for Christ ever since He took up daily residency in my heart. That have been many days and months where I’ve fallen by the way side and not talking to God like I use to. Thing is…. God had been there for me In all my times both good and bad. AND the BAD was BAD.. and His MIRACLES were AMAZING!
I know He will continue to ride the storms with me. He placed a NON SMOKING BAN on lungs. He also has a tight rein on my drinking. Since my stroke, I don’t care of the taste of beer, or anything alcoholic.
I need to work on my speech and handicap’s hard just to even find work. I’m blessed, and blessing’s are handled with tender loving care. When you’re ready to give it all to Christ, He’s waiting to hear it from your heart. It’s ok that we stumble here and there. As long as we’re not sitting around. If you’re like me, you could write.
It no longer matters if I never find acting work again. What matter’s is trying. Trying is adventurous too! Don’t forget, you’re doing something you would do for free. Just don’t ever tell them that. I’ve learned from the sacrifices I’ve had to make for my craft. One more won’t hurt. There are so many thoughts and emotions being left unsaid.
Michael H Bendall